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Ah, the first rain of fall

September 30, 2005

Woke up this morning to a hovering mist outside.  On the drive into work, it became what those outside the Northwest would call rain.  Regardless, I had to use the wipers.  It was refreshing.  I enjoy the first few rains.  It’s time for change.

My class is done.  The kiddo’s got her appointment next week.  It’s time for my wife to get much more attention from me than she has lately.  The games are afoot.

I find myself wanting right now.  In both uses of the word: lacking and desiring.  Lacking spark and desiring it.  Lacking romance and desiring it.  Lacking motivation and… you get the point.

I was talking with a guy last night who has had a crazy life.  Things were still crazy when he became a Christian.  Soon after that big step, he went to Multnomah.  He told me last night that a week after his first semester at MBC was over(he started in spring), he got high on cocaine.  Talk about transparency.  What’s so refreshing about him (aside from the fact that he doesn’t do that stuff anymore) is that he fully understands that he is sinful and he is forgiven.  As Derek Webb says on The House Show, if we have small sin, we have a small Savior.  If we have grand sin, we have a grand Savior.  We all have grand sin.  It’s just a matter of whether or not we recognize it.  If that didn’t make any sense, listen to the disc.

Fast forward a few hours…

It’s pouring outside now.  I didn’t have the guts earlier to admit that my wife wrote me a letter last night essentially saying that it feels like we’re going thru the motions and that, although she doesn’t know how exactly she wants life to look right now, she knows this isn’t it.  To be honest, I feel the same way.  We’re gonna have us a big ol’ talk tonight.  Probably will end up being one of those that go til the wee hours of the morning.  I have no idea what’s gonna happen.  We know something needs to change, we both want things to change, I just don’t know if we know how to change those things.  God isn’t first in our marriage right now, I know that, but I don’t think I know how that’s supposed to look and be.  I know from at least my end that Steph isn’t second, but I don’t know how to do that either.  Tons of emotions right now are coursing thru me.  And that scares me.

It doesn’t help that Munchkin’s appointment is next Tuesday.  Whether we admit it or not, it’s got both our stomachs in knots.

Please pray.

RESOLUTION 7:30PM:  K, what I thought would take like 5 hours, took less than an hour.  Turns out the crux of the issue had to do with some unresolved things from when Elizabeth was born and while she was recovering in the hospital.  I’ll let Steph give you all the full scoop if she is so inclined, but suffice it to say that things are definitely looking up in the Hutchison household.  Thanks for your prayers.  Our Father heard yours and ours.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 30, 2005 9:04 pm

    This is one of those moments as a parent that you realize that having a baby changes everything and I do mean everything!

    Having a critically ill baby makes it ten fold times more challenging for even the strongest of marriages.

    Prayer and communication will see you through. It ain’t always easy but you guys are pointing in the right direction.

    Just stay the course.

    Hugs!

    Laura

    if you ever need a sitter….LOL

    well if I was closer, you know!

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