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February 4, 2006

Last night/this morning had the craziest dream.  Happened sometime between 4am when Munchkin woke up and 6:05 when I had to get up.  My mom and I were cruising along Mill Plain (not the actual Mill Plain here in the ‘Couv, but some random street named that) when we saw that there were some absolutely immaculate buildings on both sides of the road.  We decided to pull off and see what they were.  At first we thought it was some type of school or something.  A private school possibly because these things were amazing: rich colors painted on the sides, marble everywhere, huge columns all around.  Incredible buildings.  As were poking around, an older woman comes out of the front of them and asks that we not disturb the church saying "they don’t like it."  Okay sure, so we continue to walk around, not going in, just in awe of this stuff.

As we continue to walk around the premises, we see an open door that a whole bunch of people are going into and around milling around inside.  We proceed in and find ourselves in a really fancy bakery.  No joke.  We look around at all the confections.  I start talking to a gal behind the counter about what this place is.  She says it’s a school, a seminary.  I say I’m in seminary.  Oh really, how far along in seminary are you?  Well, with the amount of classes, not more than a year.  Oh, that’s too bad, you can’t come to our seminary.  Huh, how come?  And that’s where the conversation ends as the gal proceeds to help someone else out and I proceed to browse the encased confections once again.  Meanwhile, the line going into the bakery continues to get HUGE.

I look around for my mom and we decide it’s time to leave.  We go towards what looks to be the exit, but it takes us into another large hallway… what appears to be a mall of sorts.  There are stores on either side, all in the same amazing decorative style: marble, statues and columns everywhere.  And really fancy things are on display (clothes, furniture, etc.).  What is this place?

We continue to go down the thoroughfare, thoroughly confused.  We walk for a while, seeing everywhere hustling and bustling just like it were the Friday before Christmas and everyone is flooding the mall.  Deciding to take a potty break, we split up and head towards our respective bathrooms.  Again, immaculate.  Fountains, fancy in-laid tile, hot tubs… go into another part of the bathroom and you find massage tables with TV screens in them.  Ridiculous.  Now remember, this is all inside a church/school/seminary/bakery thing.

Finally making my way out of the bathroom (it was very tempting to stay after all.  Would you want to leave a place like that?), I meet back up with mom and we proceed to try to find the exit.  Getting distracted along the way, we poke our heads into a tiny shop.  Looking around we decide, eh, not worth the time and we head back out.  Only, it doesn’t put us right where we were, close to the exit.  No, we’re smack dab in the middle of the mall, probably where we had been 10 minutes prior.  Weird.

We proceed towards the exit again.  And the same thing happens.  Get distracted, go in, look around, leave, find ourselves back in the middle and have to do the whole thing over again.  This happens at least two or three times.

When we finally make it to where it says "Exit," it looks as though it’s one of those movable walls on a Disneyland kiddy ride.  (You know what I’m talking about.  It doesn’t look like you’re able to go through the wall, but you can see the track go underneath the wall, so you know at the last second, the wall is going to have to move.  Yeah, it’s like that.)  So we approach the wall, and as expected, the wall moves.  Then we’re in another room that reminds me of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the Gene Wilder one, not the Johnny Depp one).  We head towards the end, the room’s dimensions are all sorts of screwy, but when you do get to the end, there is a passage way onward.

The next room has two exits it appears.  One gigantic one on the left.  Open, spacious, not sure where it leads.  The second exit (on the right) is the equivalent of a small sewer pipe that then has a very sudden bend to the right.  It looks grimy and grungy.  But it actually says exit, so we go with that one.  It is indeed gross and it takes us to a very tiny room.  From there the trend continues (small exit leads to even smaller room, repeat ad nauseum) until I wake up.

I wake up very pensive.  Lots of thoughts, most towards God, running thru my mind.  Do I get distracted from where I need to go?  Do I get distracted by material things?  When you get distracted by material things and you realize it and want to get out, you find yourself right back in the middle of it again.  Am I working for the Kingdom?  Or am I serving church and school and my mouth/stomach?  Just now while writing all of this, the imagery of the wide vs narrow gate comes to mind too.

I still don’t know what to make of this.  My mind immediately jumped to considering what will be the El Gigante of decisions soon.  A buddy from church has given me the opportunity to be considered for a job at his work.  The owners of said small business are going to interview in the next couple of weeks most likely.  Said buddy seems to think I’d fit very well and that my chances are good.  It’s a job that would allow me to work at the same great wage even while I’m away at school in MA, with flexible hours and flexible work flow.  Only catch is that I need to stay here in the ‘Couv for training for the next 18 to 24 months.  Which puts GCTS off for at least another year if not longer (I’d be hoping for Fall 2007).

Steph is a big fan of me trying for/getting this new job.  Assured work when we move.  Great job to mix with a lower paying job like Starbucks or Borders that provide full medical insurance at part time hours.  (In case you’ve forgotten our situation, medical insurance is a necessity with Munchkin).  Steph is not a fan of moving without assured work when we get there.  Scares her to death and feels it would be the dumbest thing since… the last thing that was really dumb.

And yet, there is a part of me that is tired of waiting.  Tired of trying to make everything all nice and neat and secure for the move (not that working for said buddy 10 hours a week and Sbux or Borders 20/wk for insurance is guaranteed or easy all while going to school full time, but you get my drift).  I want to just get a move on.

What is sound?  What is wise?  What is prudent?  Abraham just up and left Ur with nothing secured.  But that was because God asked him directly to.  And I have a wife and daughter to care for.  I am the authority/leader in our marriage, though I do not always act and/or feel like it.  But I need to take my wife’s concerns into consideration.  That is a huge way that I can love her.  But Abraham’s life also shows that a wife’s input can be really good or really bad.

I really would like to leave the work that I’m doing now.  It’d be great to leave my Oregon job in a huge corporation and switch to a WA job with only 13 other employees, all of whom are Christians I believe.  But do I want to put off school for another year or two?  Am I desiring to move simply out of desire for adventure and change, or because that’s really what we should be doing, and staying here would just be a distraction from the work that needs to be done?  Normally I don’t put too much stock into dreams, but this dream and its imagery were so vivid that it’s hard for me to ignore it.  Plus, it’s hard for me to think that a dream that has me waking up thinking deep thoughts about God and His Kingdom and feeling a deep seeded love for Him is from our ancient foe.

Uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.  Thoughts?  Seriously, I’d love some feedback on all of this.  Even if you just think I’ve lost my flippin’ mind.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. February 4, 2006 3:19 pm

    I was going to make some lame joke about Freud here, but its not worth it.

    Not sure if you remember me from MBC, but we did go there together at some point in time.

    Pensive is good. To much pensive is not good. My pastor has pounded into my head that going with your gut is often not only the best thing, it is acting on the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

    I am not going to pretend to know your answer for you, but I can tell you that I have gone with my gut on several occasions, and it turned out great in the end (not that it was not hairy at times).

    Is it scary sometimes? Is it unsafe sometimes? Yes. Yes. But it is also the most rewarding of experiences to say, “God, I am going with my gut on this one, and I trust you to either shut the doors and windows, or make the next few steps clear to me.”

    In any act of faith, the first few steps are scary (and the following ones are even worse!), but looking back on these experiences I have is a testament to God’s care and guidance for his children.

    Hope this does not cloud the horizon further…

    Your Brother,


  2. February 4, 2006 4:15 pm

    Hey Karl,

    Yes, I do remember ya. We didn’t know each other all that well, but I remember your face for sure.

    And I sure do appreciate what you said. Didn’t cloud the horizon more, if anything, it made it clearer.

    My wife and I had a good discussion this afternoon after I got home from work. All of the things she said, perhaps what stuck out to me the most is the great point she made about our marriage. Our marriage has been put thru the ringer in the last year (namely 7 months or so). Been real tough at times. And although things are getting better, it still is not easy and a day to day battle to love as God would have us. Adding stress like moving across the country to a place where we don’t really know the surrounding, don’t have close friends, don’t have a job and me going to school full time is not going to make our marriage better. That pretty much cinched it for me.

    Also, when you talked about going with your gut, I did a quick memory check and my gut said to go for the job here if it works out. So there you go.

    I sure appreciate your input.

    Grace and peace,


  3. February 6, 2006 1:59 am

    Glad it helped. I almost chikened out on writing that, but something told me to go with my gut…

    God is good.

  4. February 6, 2006 6:40 pm

    Wow. I hate having to make those kind of decisions. I can totally understand Steph’s reasoning, though. It’s a scary thing to think that the person who is supposed to provide for you might not be able to. I think you guys are doing the right thing…even it means being away from the dream school for a little longer.

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