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My own psalm and gospel

March 18, 2006

In the midst of all the crap that went down recently, I learned that my audience here is much wider than I originally thought. They don’t leave comments, but they do reswa4wj. Okay, that was Lizzie’s contribution to this post. Thank you honey. Now, back to the issue at hand.

I learned recently that my audience is much wider than I thought. They don’t leave comments, but they do read. And quite faithfully actually. That’s cool. I’m glad they do. But I admit, that knowledge has influenced my willingness to be open. I questioned the transparency that I displayed in recent weeks. It made me want to shut down and just do nice safe posts. I had been following the admonition of a very wise best friend (one of my longest friends, a godly man whom I love very much) to not put in so much time online, and this blog specifically, and following that was a convenient excuse for me not to be personal. Well, I’m still trying to limit my online involvement, but this post needs to happen.

(My daughter is laughing right now. You should hear it. One of the best sounds on the planet).

So here’s how it works. Jesus called us to radical life in His Kingdom. Some of the things He said while He was here were absolutely insane. To hate your family. To sell everything and follow Him. This is crazy radical stuff. Some of it He meant literally, some of it was figurative. But it was meant to make sense to those that wanted to follow and were at least willing to explore the option and then to turn off those that wanted nothing to do with Him. That’s how God works. You might think it cruel, but, honestly, you’re just not getting it. God is loving. God is all wonderful. Read on.

This is how it all went down. God existed. In the mystery that is Him, He existed. Then he decided to initiate relationship by creating the world and putting Adam in it. He meant to have relationship with Adam and love him and care for Him. In essence he was God’s earthly son. Luke I believe calls Adam the son of God even. God saw that Adam was kinda lonely here on earth, so He gave him Eve. Sweet deal. God wanted relationship with them and was with them in Eden and gave them the earth as their own. And then they screwed the whole thing up. Sin starts and doesn’t stop. This is truth. This is gospel. Believe what you will, a nebulous force, a big bang, no beginning it just all was. Whatever you think contrary to God existing and then wanting relationship with us, you’re wrong. Yeah, I just told you, you were wrong. Get over it. This is Jesus on the line. This is your life for the rest of eternity. It’s worth the abrupt truth and it’s up to you to accept it.

Things get worse, so God decides to start over with Noah and his family. Well, that didn’t take long to go seriously wrong. So God decides to start over with Abraham. Well, that’s the most screwed up family you’ve ever seen. So God starts over with a nation led by a pansie who ran away from any type of consequence or trying situation (Moses). Well, they all screw up too.

Are you sensing a theme?

All God wanted was relationship with someone who would enjoy Him and this earth that He was willing to give. But nobody was willing to love back. Not like God should be loved at least.

Now let me pause to say that God didn’t need the relationship. He already had everything He could ever want. But He wanted the relationship. The same way that a parent doesn’t need a child, but brother, you’re willing to do anything to have them and to have that relationship with them. Same deal. Not necessary, but boy you want it bad. So God wanted to know and relate with us.

So, He decides to take care of the issue all together. He comes down to earth in the form of His Son Jesus. Don’t understand it. God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Trinity. Don’t get it. But it is what it is. So, the Son comes down and is perfect. Surrounded by screw ups, He shows what loving God is supposed to look like. Brings the Kingdom of God to earth, but not like anybody thought He would. Like the tiniest of seeds or the least bit of leaven, a little thing that goes a loooong way. Then Jesus does the ultimate, takes care of sin once and for all. Perfect Deity incarnated into human form dies. Don’t understand it. But it is what it is. But there is more to the Kingdom. But it doesn’t come til later.

Then the Bible goes on to talk about more screw ups. New Testament is full of em. Then Revelation. Jesus is coming back soon and He’s going to dole out what’s due.

  • Love him and follow him, even if you messed up royally? You get eternal reward beyond your wildest dreams. John got a sneak peak of what the reward was and couldn’t even begin to describe it. He tried, but I seriously think it didn’t nearly do justice to the reality of it.
  • Hate him, give lip service, don’t care, you get hell. Tis the truth. Sucks don’t it? Well, those are the options. One or the other. Pick whichever one sounds better to you.

So, why am I telling you all this? Why go into all this? One, it’s the truth and you need to hear it. Two, I want to explain why I am going to try to continue the radical transparency here. I originally thought the openness was pure foolishness, but it turns out God blessed it in an unpredicted way. I’m not saying I’m going to be willy nilly with my life here. I aim to protect my wife and my daughter, but know I do serve my God first, not them. I want you to see what a person who’s trying to live the radical life that Jesus talked about. I’m gonna royally mess up. You already know that, you’ve seen it. And I don’t like that side of me. I really don’t. It just makes things worse. By taking what I wanted, I got the exact opposite. A false intimacy only leads to less real intimacy. It’s a screwed up cycle that gets people all the time. And I duped myself royally.

But I want you to know that since Adam and Eve we’ve been screwing up. You do all the time. Your conscience may be acute, it may not. But I screw up and I am aware of it. Not all the time am I aware of it, but maybe half the time at least. But Jesus loves me. God wants relationship with me. Don’t get it, but it is what it is. So I take it. It’s a great deal.

Life’s hard. Screw ups make it harder. Life’s not easy right now. I feel like the last week has been me with my heart turned off. My friend recently revealed a grandiose screw up. And I was jealous of him as he described his life after revealing his dirty secret. He described high highs and low lows. Right now, that sounds much better than the neutral I’ve been living in. I don’t want his sin, but I want the “fully alive” feelings he’s been having. Not the hurt, I’m not crazy, but just the sense of being alive. Where is God in the midst of this? Where is God when I just cannot for the life of me understand my wife? Where is God when I get angry for absolutely no good reason what so ever? Where is God sometimes? Oh, the question of the hour. He’s there. I just gotta stop for a second and look. He’s in the sound of my daughter’s laugh and the joy that leaps into my heart when I hear it. And He’s in the smile that spreads across my wife’s face as we listen to a new friend’s impersonation of the Lucky Charms leprechaun. I got that much and I’m running with it.

Not wanting to stay jealous, I flip the switch. Here’s my heart. Giddy up.

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