Question
May 9, 2007
What do you do when your spouse/significant other is stressed out / overwhelmed? How do you handle it? What do you do to cope and help?
Personally, I suck at this.
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Full Circle 
imho guys are fixers. they generally fix things and do it well.
:::insert tim the tool man grunts here::::
but, guys can’t always fix a spouse’s stress or frustration and sometimes when they still try to fix things it just makes the stress or frustration all the worse.
conversely, when guys don’t say or do anything wives get more upset….aren’t we fun?
for me, and i am speaking only for me, just aknowledging the situation and my stress is enough….a hug, a neck rub, asking me to vent a little and just listen.
that’s my two cents worth and i know that you wantedc to know. 😉
Valuable things you’ve said there Laura, but you didn’t answer the question. 🙂
What do you do when Bill is stressed? How do you cope with it and how do you help him?
I walk the balance beam of helping her do whatever she is working on while staying out of her way. Silent service.
Fogey has learned quickly. It is a balance beam and it requires paying close attention to signals.
When Slothgirl is in stress out mode her needs are variable. Sometimes she needs some alone time to get herself un-stressed so I play goalie with the girls and try to take as much of the children heat as I can. If I can get her to leave the house for a bit and wander around the mall or something I will do that as well. (she doesn’t ever even buy anything but she likes to look without kids hanging off her.)
I will also use a very gentle and even voice at all times. I don’t want to become a focal point of the stress. I will LISTEN if she wants to vent her frustration but offering solutions to her stress problems is generally not a good idea unless she asks me what she should do. She knows what to do, she normally just wants to get stuff off her chest.
I am also a god among men when it comes to massages. So I will ask if she wants me to rub her shoulders and often that helps her a great deal. She gets stress headaches pretty easily so if I can keep that at bay or eliminate one that has already begun then that helps the defusing process.
It also helps if I take a look at the environment. If there is a pile of laundry or dishes in the sink or toys all over the living room I will get that taken care of ASAP. The neater things are the quicker people get over stress.
SITUATIONAL AWARENESS. Swiftly gather intel and develop a plan. Then act. Adjust as necessary.
bill gets stressed?
when?
seriously, the guy would/will never admit that he is stressed. he did confess once to feeling anxious after drinking one of holly’s liquid crack aka redline.